I consider myself lucky that my kids will be teenagers in nine years at the earliest, and therefore we should be able to avoid the literary abomination that is “Twilight” and its accompanying hysteria.* However, a new supernatural obsession has taken our household by storm.
I have no idea how it started, exactly. Perhaps it was our friends suggesting that babies already make zombie-like noises, which prompted us to try and teach an infant Mary to growl “braaaaains” at unsuspecting people (it didn’t take). Maybe it was my brief but all encompassing video game love affair with Plants vs. Zombies, which started on the PC but quickly moved to Xbox format for ease of play. I have no idea, but suddenly, Anna was chasing Figaro down the hall with her arms raised, calling for him in a zombie voice. Except she wasn’t saying “brains.”
It got to the point where Figaro, already Cat of A Thousand Nickname (Figs and Wigs, Fatty, Pavarotti, Hey Stupid, etc.) was being called Pudding more often than his given name, and in true Pavlovian response would immediately bolt down the hall when you started. That was about six months ago, and after that Zombie Fever slowly died down.
In October, I got my iPhone. By November, I was completely in love with the stupid thing. I had had a smart phone before, but it was a Palm Pre, and less than a year in I was so frustrated with it (which, if we are talking smarts, was decidedly stupid) that I switched back to a regular phone and the only thing I missed was a QWERTY keyboard. But the iPhone! I swear, Apple isn’t paying me a dime but oh my word do I love my phone. I love free apps. I love the fact that phone allowed me to download a Couch to 5K program which got me off my butt and running for the first time in, well, ever, and I love the fact that my music and my phone and my GPS are suddenly wrapped up in a neat purple Otterbox.
And then two days ago I discovered Zombie Farm. It’s a free download and it’s basically Farmville but in addition to crops, you get to grow zombies and attack neighboring farms for the chance to win money, decorations and of course, brains. I’ve been having a lot of fun with it but I haven’t let my kids see it because if I let one of them so much as touch my phone, the dam’s going to break and I’ll never get a chance to hold it pester-free again.
Today the kids were napping and I was harvesting virtual tomatoes and potato head zombies (I know!!) and waiting for the kids’ snack to set in the fridge so I could sneak some before they woke up. We all love some chocolate pudding in this house. I heard her stirring so I went in to give her a quick cuddle before she was running at 85 miles an hour again.
“Mary, do you want to wake up?”
“No, Mama.” (I am only ever “Mama” anymore when she is very sleepy.)
“Are you sure? Do you want to get up and have some chocolate pudding for a snack?”
Through half-closed eyes she smiled up at me.
*It could have been a really good story. But when it’s written by a woman who informs everyone in the DVD bonus footage that she couldn’t wait for the film because movies can show things that books can’t describe, well, there aren’t enough desks upon which I can hit my head. I can’t find the quote online but if you’re in possession of the DVD you can find it for yourself. I can’t make stuff like this up.
** I should note that none of the girls know what a zombie is in the undead sense of the word but they still think they are hilarious.