Thursday, December 20, 2012

40 shades of crazy

  Today I read a great blog piece entitled "46 Reasons Why My Three Year Old Might Be Freaking Out." You can read the entire thing here: , but it's a laundry list that includes such gems as "He's not allowed to get in the oven" and "A balloon he got six months ago is missing."

So much of it was spot on and really applies to children of any age, as far as I can tell. And also, adults. Rather than try to reinvent the wheel (blog?) and post variations on why MY children might be freaking out (near as I can tell, "Thursday" is good enough justification), I present:

40 Reasons Why *I* Might be Freaking Out. Some of these have actually happened recently, many are from today, some are conglomerations of several events. Nevertheless:

1. It's 5 a.m. and I got to bed at 1:30 after individually baking, outlining, flooding and decorating six million Christmas tree cookies for teacher gifts because money is tight and it seemed like such a good idea at 5 p.m. the day before.

2. It's 6 a.m. and I have discovered the royal icing is still not dry.

3. I had a dream my husband cheated on me and I can't be mad at him because "I'm not responsible for what I do in your subconscious." Really, is an apology so much to ask for? Men.

4. I just found my hand wash only sweater in the dryer and now it fits my five year old. I am the only one who does laundry.

5. The dishwasher sounds like a trash compactor all of a sudden.

6. When it brakes, the car now sounds like the city bus when IT brakes.

7. The baby pushed the last yogurt onto the floor. 

8. We are out of mop pads. (Goes with 7)

9. I just found a pile of Christmas cards I thought I had mailed out and some of them are international. Happy Valentine's Day, NZ.

10. The electric company wants more money.

11. The city is insisting we now pay to use water.  Jerks.

12. I discovered my three year old does something called "pretend bathroom" about 50 percent of the time I remind her to go, which answers the burning question, "How the hell did you just have an accident when you went to the bathroom 10 minutes ago?" HAHA, Mommy, HAHA.

13. It's time to plan dinner, again. I forgot to thaw anything, again. It's spaghetti, kids! Again.

14. My kids suddenly hate spaghetti.

15. My kids are asking for spaghetti when I have presented them with something they ostensibly don't hate.

16. Guess what? They hate that.

17. The jerk who refused to pay for an item I sold on eBay is taunting me.

18. The good angel on my shoulder has talked me out of mailing her a box of dirty cat litter.

19. The phrase "I don't want to hear tattling" is followed by "ANNA TURNED OFF THE LIGHT! I'M SERIOUSSSSS!"

20. I have heard the following for the 18th time this afternoon: "You're mean, I'm not playing with you!" "Fine, I don't want to play with you!" "MOOMMMMMY, MARY WON'T PLAAAAAY WITH MEEEE!"

21. It might be 5 o'clock somewhere but it's only 3:30 here and that's way too long until bedtime.

22. The Elf on the Shelf is mocking me.

23. The cat has picked the exact moment the baby is finally asleep to try and hunt something directly under her window.

24. If the world does end tomorrow, my hair and eyebrows are a total mess AND there's no wine.

25. My ADHD meds aren't working.

26. My ADHD meds are working too well and I'm trying to re-wire the house.

27. I don't know where the Easter baskets are. (See, 25 or 26)

28. I feel fat.

29. I want to eat all the cookies that are waiting to be frosted.

30. I'm at the point in Doctor Who where Rose is gone and Martha is a whiny pain in the ass.

31. There is no more Gossip Girl.

32. The radio is playing "Christmas Shoes."

33. The radio is playing Kid Rock.

34. The radio is on commercial.

35. I have forgotten, apparently, that I have a device with both tons of MP3s and Pandora. 

36. Pandora plays "Christmas Shoes."

37. Mary wants to know how Santa will know the carrots are for the reindeer.

38. Mary wants to leave Santa a three course meal.

39. Anna wants to eat Santa's cookies when they are put out.

40. Lily is trying to climb out of her crib. It's only a matter of time.

Or, you know, the balloon I got six months ago is missing. 

It could always be that, too.

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