Unfortunateisms

...soon to become a semi regular feature on here, also known as "the things kids say/do that keep you humble as hell."

Today we went to a christening at a church we don't normally attend. A very kind woman offered to show Mary and Anna the children's room. Mary wanted to go, Anna didn't, so I dropped one off and returned to the sanctuary...at which point Anna whispered "wanna go with Mary" and back we went.

I opened the door to see my daughter dancing around, singing. Hymns? Of course not.

"Weeeeee're in the money, in the money, WE GOT A LOTTA WHAT IT TAKES TO GET A LONG!"

"Hi Mary," I said. The nursery workers were steadfastly pretending the show wasn't going on, and I decided to play along.

"This is Anna, she's going to give it another try," I said.

"Hi, Anna," the nursery woman said brightly.

"WE NEVER SEEN A HEADLINE BOUT A BREADLINE TODAAAAAAY!" Boldly I soldiered on.

"Anna," I said, more for everyone else's benefit, "I know we just went potty but if you have to go let your teacher know and she'll come get mommy."

"Okay," she said. The teacher smiled. She tried to start talking to me about potty training. We were largely unsuccessful.

"AND WHEN WE SEE THAT LANDLORD WE CAN LOOK DAT GUY RIGHT IN DA EYE!"

Yikes.

"Mary, what about singing a church song?"

"LOOK THAT GUY RIGHT IN THE - Why?"

At that point it was argue with a preschooler and miss the rest of the message or remind myself we were never going to see these people again and slink out of the nursery door. I chose option B and let my four year old regale the childcare workers with the song stylings of Al Dubin and Harry Warren.

Sorry, volunteers at United Methodist. I wish I could say something in my defense, but all I'm coming up with is "at least it wasn't 'Pumped Up Kicks' or the Glee version of 'Bust Your Windows'."

Go in peace.